The Love Problem - A message for married people.

This evening I caught today's episode of Dr Phil. He was talking to a divorced couple who have been apart for 5 years. This couple can't seem to get along regardless of the long term effects on their children. Dr Phil listed off a number of things that their kids will struggle with if they don't get it together. Things such as acceptance, the desire to find love any where they can get it, bitterness, guilt and shame.

This episode got me thinking about love. (Funny I know) I can relate to some of the struggles that Dr Phil talked about in kids who's parents divorced. I was significantly older than this family's kids but even at an older age it easy easy for a young person to pick up the burden of their parents failed relationship and take on the blame, struggle to fill accepted and have problems with future relationships.

My own struggles in life have come from a failed understanding of love. I think this failed understanding plagues our world. This shows up in our schools, marriages and even our churches. What does the bible say about love?

1Co 13:4-8a  Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn't jealous. It doesn't sing its own praises. It isn't arrogant.  It isn't rude. It doesn't think about itself. It isn't irritable. It doesn't keep track of wrongs.  It isn't happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.  Love never comes to an end.

God doesn't struggle with love. he doesn't struggle to be patient, and God surely doesn't give up on us. To many people have given up on love. They forget that they have a sin nature. That sin nature causes them to stop being patient. It makes them rude, it helps and even encourages them to keep records of past hurts and it tares people apart and makes them forget about why they got married in the first place. One problem with our marriages is that we (men) forget that if we're suppose to love our brides as Christ loves the church then we have to fight our flesh, stay patient, not give up and work on our relationship's to keep them healthy. If your struggling with your marriage tonight keep in mind that God hasn't given up on you or your spouse. Today might be a good time to take a step back and ask yourself if you've stopped being patent.. Are you doing the opposit of what the bible calls love? Have you given up on the promise you made to love for better or for worse. Even when things where at their worst Jesus never gave up on us.  If you have given up it's not to late.. Now is the time to ask God for help.

Turn it around!

The problem you're facing is not going to be fixed by reading a book or counting to 10 in a argument. Rather seeking the lord to deepen your understanding of love. If you want to understand how to love your spouse better the answer lies in Jesus' example of how he loved people. Jesus had grace, patience and all the way to his death on the cross. He never gave up he knew that his sacrifice would redeem a fallen world and he was willing to exchange comfort for pain in order to love his bride well. 

Tonight God calls all of us married or not to take a step back and sit in Gods presence and experience what love feels like. He's calling us to give up our selfish ways for a relationship with him.  The fact is that if we want to have healthy relationships we need to forget about our own feelings and lay our lives down for one another.

John 15:13  No one has greater love than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

If we the Church want to be the example of what love looks like we need to carry that into our relationships, friendships and marriages. If the church truly understood the love of Christ and was humbled by his sacrifice we would act different. Our divorce rate wouldn't be the same as unsaved people. If we truly understood love we wouldn't hate the sinner and the sin. We would love the sinner so they would see Gods love through and stop sinning.   If your struggling with Gods love talk to someone you trust. Feel free to even contact me. All of us need a deeper understanding of love and all of us need to see the growth in the significance and need for the cross in our lives.


Blessings,

John